In our persistently hectic and cynical society, it’s easy to overlook simple acts of kindness that can make someone’s day and perhaps even boost their emotional well-being.
One such act is a genuine compliment—expressed in words, gestures, or actions—which holds remarkable power to uplift spirits, strengthen relationships, and transform lives.
As a mental health professional for the past 40 years, I have consistently told clients that it is the daily, seemingly small habits that make the biggest difference in their healing from depression, anxiety, addiction, and other struggles. Everyday positive practices build momentum to clear out negativity, establish healthy routines, and fortify mental health.
That’s true of giving compliments. It’s a simple therapeutic practice that we can implement every day—without cost, side effects, or big-time commitment.
Compliments have the capacity to uplift mood and enhance mental health. (Biba Kayewich)
Modern-day scientific research confirms that offering positive affirmation to others contributes to wellness. And so does ancient wisdom. Millennia ago, King Solomon wrote hundreds of proverbs that became part of the Bible’s Old Testament, including these: “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones,” and “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”
Those were poetic ways of saying that words of affirmation and approval have a dynamic effect on the recipient. In this regard, nothing has changed since the ancient days of Solomon: Inspirational words resonate and reverberate in the life of the one who receives them.
Before we go any further, let’s clear up one thing: We’re not talking about manipulation and maneuvering. Smooth-talking schmoozers and phony flatterers can fool people for only so long. In our age of slick social media schemes and clever marketing ploys, we’ve all got our antennae up for come-ons and con men.
Instead, we’re talking here about communicating sincere, heartfelt admiration. It’s about identifying traits you value in another person and expressing authentic appreciation.
The Healing Benefits of Genuine Compliments
When delivered with authenticity and intention, a well-timed compliment can transcend barriers, bridging gaps between strangers and deepening bonds between friends, family, and colleagues. Compliments have the power to:
Contribute to improved mental health. The human psyche thrives on positive reinforcement. Compliments serve as a powerful validation of our worth and efforts, bolstering self-esteem and resilience. Psychologists affirm that receiving praise triggers the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin, which are associated with feelings of pleasure, happiness, and well-being. Compliments have a scientifically proven capacity to uplift mood and enhance mental health.
Strengthen social connections. Human beings are inherently social creatures, wired for connection and belonging. Giving compliments serves as a powerful tool for strengthening social bonds and nurturing meaningful relationships. When we acknowledge and affirm the qualities and efforts of others, we create a foundation of trust, empathy, and mutual respect. By expressing appreciation and admiration, we communicate our desire to connect on a deeper level, fostering emotional connection. With so many people enduring isolation and loneliness, the simple act of giving compliments can serve as an open door to a deeper connection.
Create collective goodwill. The impact of compliments extends beyond the individual receiving them. Offering genuine praise fosters a culture of kindness and generosity, creating a ripple effect of positivity that reverberates throughout communities. In workplaces, classrooms, and social settings, a culture of appreciation cultivates trust, collaboration, and collective morale.
Build bridges between diverse people. In a society fraught with division and discord, compliments serve as bridges that span the chasms of misunderstanding and conflict. When we acknowledge the strengths and qualities of others, we cultivate empathy, understanding, and harmony. A heartfelt compliment has the power to dissolve barriers, forging connections based on mutual respect and admiration.
Smooth over tension. Compliments play a crucial role in conflict resolution and reconciliation. In moments of tension or disagreement, a well-placed compliment can defuse hostility, diminish resentment, and pave the way for constructive dialogue. By focusing on the positive aspects of one another, individuals can transcend grievances and reaffirm their mutual respect.
Cultivate a culture of appreciation. In organizational settings, affirmation energizes positive change and fosters a culture of excellence. When leaders and colleagues recognize and celebrate each other’s achievements, they create a supportive environment in which individuals feel valued and motivated to excel. A culture of appreciation enhances employee engagement, retention, and overall morale.
Boost self-esteem and confidence. When we acknowledge and appreciate someone’s strengths, talents, or efforts, we validate their worth and capabilities. This validation, in turn, enhances their self-image and fosters a sense of pride and accomplishment. What’s more, by recognizing and celebrating the achievements and qualities of others, we cultivate a mindset of abundance and positivity within ourselves.
Cultivate gratitude and optimism. Giving compliments is a tangible demonstration of gratitude and positivity, two powerful antidotes to negative thinking and emotional distress. When we express appreciation for the qualities, actions, or contributions of others, we shift our focus from what is lacking to what is abundant in our lives.
Provide “armor” during hard times. The practice of giving compliments can serve as a coping mechanism during challenging times. In moments of adversity or hardship, expressing appreciation for the positive aspects of our lives can provide a source of comfort and resilience, helping us navigate through difficulties with grace and optimism.
The Art of Giving and Receiving Compliments
While compliments hold significant power to uplift and inspire, their effect hinges on sincerity and authenticity. A genuine compliment is rooted in observation and empathy, reflecting a heartfelt appreciation for someone’s unique qualities or actions. It is essential to offer praise with sincerity, avoiding generic or insincere platitudes that may ring hollow or disingenuous.
Likewise, receiving compliments graciously is an art that requires humility and openness. Instead of deflecting praise or downplaying one’s achievements, it is essential to accept compliments with gratitude and humility, acknowledging the value of one’s contributions. By embracing compliments with grace, individuals affirm their worth and contribute to a cycle of positivity and mutual appreciation.
When you want to convey a compliment, consider these ideas:
Be clear and appropriate. In our society, where many people are hypersensitive and suspicious about everything, it must be said: Make sure your compliment will not be construed as having ulterior motives. Be mindful of boundaries, context, and potential misunderstandings. Ensure that your affirmation is respectful and appropriate, avoiding comments that could be perceived as intrusive or “crossing the line” in any way.
Focus on specifics. There’s nothing wrong with a generalized “I think you’re great” kind of accolade, but for maximum effect, make it precise and particular. Tell the person exactly what you admire, with plenty of details. If you like the person’s sense of humor, share what especially makes you laugh. If you admire the person’s generosity, say why that means so much to you. Don’t worry about going overboard—most people are more than happy to receive excessive praise.
Say it like you mean it. Some of us feel a little sheepish about giving compliments, so we do it with a quick pat on the back or a mumbled commendation. That’s okay; it’s certainly better than nothing. But it’s much more meaningful to look someone in the eye and say, “I’ve noticed something very impressive about you.”
Focus on effort and character. While it’s easy to compliment someone on their appearance or possessions, a more meaningful approach is to highlight personality strengths, unique talents, or effort instead. This shifts the focus from what the other person has or how they look to who they are as an individual. Recognizing someone’s hard work, integrity, or resilience will be more potent than superficial kudos.
Go public. If you want to amplify words of praise, accentuate the positives publicly. Over dinner with friends, you can say, “I thought it was awesome that Pat spent the past three weekends volunteering with Habitat for Humanity,” or at a family gathering: “I’m sure you know about Kelly’s job promotion. It’s so well deserved!”
Put it in writing. This doesn’t mean texting or sending an email message. Take a few minutes to write a note—with pen and paper—saying what you value about the other person. “Just wanted to tell you that I appreciate ...” In our era of digital and disposable communication, an old-fashioned, handwritten note is something permanent that can be read over and over.
Follow up. A thoughtful follow-up can amplify the impact of your compliment. Consider expressing gratitude or admiration again at a later time, reinforcing the positive impression you’ve made.
Gregory Jantz, Ph.D., is the founder and director of the mental health clinic The Center: A Place of Hope in Edmonds, Wash. He is the author of "Healing Depression for Life," "The Anxiety Reset," and many other books. Find Jantz at APlaceOfHope.com.
